“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” -John 15:12
Often in life, it seems that we search for perfection. We are looking for the perfect job—the one which has no unfavorable tasks or unpleasantness; the perfect church—one where everyone and everything is precisely catered to our needs and beliefs; and most common, the perfect spouse—one who is perfectly compatible with us, knows our every need and want, and who will never disagree or cause an argument.
It would seem that in every situation in life, we want comfortable perfection. We’re always looking for Mr./Mrs. Right, and we are appalled to realized that no one as of yet has met these demands; our life has yet to attain that perfect comfort and rest that we so eagerly desire.
And that’s exactly how God wants it—yea, even wills it and orchestrates it.
Since sin entered the world, and man was driven from the only perfect place—the garden of Eden—we have never been able to find an outwardly perfect place.
Even after we’ve been born again, God does not will for us to have a life of comfort and ease: at least, not until we reach heaven. But why is this? Why wouldn’t God want what is best for us, and give us a perfect, cozy, and comfortable life?
Because we are all as undisciplined children, which need correction in order to achieve our best. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15). God has to deal with us as children—and ones who are fallen, naturally selfish, and who have been strangers to God. True, if we are Christians, we are brought into fellowship with God, but we are restored to fellowship as infants: this is why the Bible says that we are born again. We are as spiritual children.
“If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.” -Hebrews 12:7-8
God is teaching us to depend on Him. Just as the law, and the Ten Commandments was meant to show us our futility and inability to fulfill the righteousness of God, so too in our everyday lives, God is bringing circumstances into our life that will teach us to come to Him in prayer.
If our lives were all perfect, would we ever need to pray? Would we ever seek God? Would we ever give thanks for the blessings of His hand?
Look at the warning in the Old Testament, given to the children of Israel as a caution against too much comfort and ease from the blessings of God:
“When thou hast eaten and art full, then thou shalt bless the LORD thy God for the good land which he hath given thee. Beware that thou forget not the LORD thy God, in not keeping his commandments, and his judgments, and his statutes, which I command thee this day: Lest when thou hast eaten and art full, and hast built goodly houses, and dwelt therein; And when thy herds and thy flocks multiply, and thy silver and thy gold is multiplied, and all that thou hast is multiplied; Then thine heart be lifted up, and thou forget the LORD thy God, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage;” -Deuteronomy 8:10-14
The very same warning ought to apply to us today: comfort and ease can take us off track and make us forget our need and dependency on God.
How Jesus’ commandment to His disciples relates to the search for the perfect spouse
“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” -John 15:12
Two elements ought to be noticed in the above verse, the first is who we are to love: one another. The second is how we are to love: as Christ has loved the church.
When Jesus said to love one another, He was originally speaking to His eleven remaining disciples (minus Judas), though it is applicable to us today as well. But something to note about Jesus’ disciples was that many of them were from different backgrounds, and probably had different temperaments and personalities and opinions: some were simple fisherman, some, like Peter, were very outspoken, others were perhaps quieter, and still others, such as Matthew, were more of city-dwellers.
“Now the names of the twelve apostles are these; The first, Simon, who is called Peter, and Andrew his brother; James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother; Philip, and Bartholomew; Thomas, and Matthew the publican; James the son of Alphaeus, and Lebbaeus, whose surname was Thaddaeus; Simon the Canaanite, and Judas Iscariot, who also betrayed him.” -Matthew 10:2-4
Notice in the above verses, that one of Jesus’ disciples, Matthew, was a publican: that is to say, a tax collector. Back in those days, tax collectors were seen as being very low, dishonest, and despised by the general public. They are, in one place in scripture, put on the same moral level as prostitutes: “Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you” (Matthew 21:31b).
Yet despite all of the differences among Jesus’ disciples, Jesus commands them all to love one another. He did not say, “come to an agreement, and be all of the same personality, and of the same temperament, and of the same personal opinion and view as one another, and then in this perfection you’ll be able to get along and love one another.” Certainly none of the disciples were without their flaws, and yet Jesus told them all to love one another.
Just how does this relate to finding a “perfect spouse,” and searching after that elusive partner that has a perfect compatibility with you?
First of all, God sometimes wants to challenge us, and will bring a person that may be close to what we were hoping for, but not quite perfect. He purposely leaves flaws and shortcomings to teach us to love. Yet this should never mean that we violate Scripture and marry an unbeliever, for the Bible is clear: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
And we see an even clearer insight into this principle when we consider the second part of Christ’s command:
“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” -John 15:12
We know that we are called to love one another, but it’s also helpful to understand the second part, as I have loved you.
And how has Christ loved us? In our perfection? Because we were sinless, and worthy?
Quite the opposite. Jesus Christ loved us despite all our faults. Not only that, but He even died for the very ones that hated Him. He loved those that killed Him.
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” -Romans 5:8
In the verse above, coupled to Christ’s new command to love one another as He has loved us, it is clear that we are to love others unconditionally. We are to love others, despite their sin.
This is a very hard thing to do.
Actually, without the help of the Holy Ghost, it is impossible. Yet we see, for the believer, even in everyday life, we require God’s help to get us through our daily tasks. Even in a blissful state of marriage, we need God’s grace to bear with the shortcomings of our partner.
And if there is any worthy station of life for the Christian, whereever he may be called unto, God’s grace and love is always required. There is no “perfect” place for the Christian outside of God’s grace. Short of heaven, we will ever be resting upon God’s providence, His daily portion of love to sustain us. In our imperfect job, at our imperfect church, with our imperfect spouse, and imperfect children, in all things, we are commanded to submit to the will of God, and to love. We are called as a divine calling of God, each day of our lives, to love with the love of Jesus Christ.
“Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.” -1 John 4:7-11